Fourteen Years

 

Fourteen years ago this Nativity my family and I were received into the Church. We had no way of knowing what that would mean. The ways in which the Church would enrich us, teach us, humble us, even hurt us. 

Along the way I was ordained a reader, earned a St. Stephen certificate, learned Byzantine chant, then left the Byzantine tradition for the Russian tradition, learned some Russian chant, and helped to start a mission. 

I met many of the Church's bishops, most of them amazing, but some not so much. I met many priests, most of them amazing, others not so much. I got to see the Church from the inside, where the veneer of piety and holiness sometimes hides the rot beneath 

But I also met many friends, and tragic (and needless) situations and the hurt they caused gave way to new friendships and new bonds. Perhaps some of those too will end in heartache. But most won't, and I know this because most haven't. 

The Church is messy. She is often unkind and cruel. But that is only because beneath her holiness, she is human. Our path to salvation is corporate. We only get there by rubbing up against other humans and their selfishness and their myopia. More important, they only get there by rubbing up against us and ours. The path is humility, patience, love and forgiveness. 

If it seems impossibly hard, it is because we cannot see our neighbor as Christ sees our neighbor. We are blind. Little by little, the Church gives us brief glimpses of reality. Sometimes those glimpses hurt, but it is only because we remain self-centered. 

In this 14 year journey I've never seriously considered being anything other than an Orthodox Christian. We have the worst sales pitch possible. But in the end, I am a part of the Church. And even as she hurts me, she teaches me that I am only capable of being hurt due to pride. There is nowhere else to go, because there is nowhere else where that truth is found in its fullness. The truth hurts, as they say. Now I know what that truly means. 

I cannot change others. I ought not want to. We attend to our own sins. We forgive others theirs. We often fail at both. Lord have mercy on me, the sinner.